


[Dream Catcher] Sehun's Journal - Fragments #1

by fairyminseok



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Dream Catcher outtakes, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 10:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12505212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyminseok/pseuds/fairyminseok
Summary: Hello! I've found a doc of a bunch of outtakes from Dreamcatcher, namely journal entries from Renaissance timeline Sehun, so I've posted the first journal fragment here as I assume I'll never actually finish the journal itself. Consider this piece being written during Sehun's travels away from Minseok back home for the ill-fated visit with his Mother and her husband.If anyone has actually read Dream Catcher and would like me to post more of these give me your thoughts?





	[Dream Catcher] Sehun's Journal - Fragments #1

_ explosions, bright in a bright sky, a running leap and nothing else. Dreams. _

_ dreams. catching them. flowing colours and a world with sky. buildings like nothing he's ever seen before. Beautiful. _

and dreams are the center of the soul. the very cavern in which we must see the world through and interpret it. and they must be pure, must be lovely and filled with not that of ill thought, not that of which you are not you, and i am not me. my master says --

_ i want to fly, an apprentice tells his master, looking across a river of stars. i want to fly and find the furthest edges of our earth and turn them into dreams  _

and dreams, they give us everything we could possibly need ; a driving force, momentum, confusion, want. dreams manifest themselves as wishes, as blurry images in a sleeping mind, as soft droplets of rain that you wish could become a hurricane. dreams are complex, and dreams are simple. some are meant for others, to change the world and to sprinkle love down upon it, and some are meant for the eyes of none, or perhaps just one. the dreams in which skin lies naked and feelings are intimate. and some dreams, some dreams are about acceptance, about getting things right, finding that important missing piece of the puzzle that is everything

Sometimes there’s an exchange of thoughts and they just come out, tumble out and ive never really been good at stopping my mouth from repeating my mind and though I try it still happens. Over and over again. 

There was an exchange between us:

__ i dream about people sometimes, mainly you.  
and why do you dream about me?  
you're the most beautiful thing to dream about 

and there was no answer and i still worry because why was there no answer and if there was no answer should I assume its the negative answer? Because though master is an honest person he is also a kind person and i believe that sometimes he is afraid of hurting me because im young and fragile but im not fragile at all really because i can handle it 

 

do you ever feel a kind of pain in your heart? like someone's knocking at the door of your soul and telling you "yes, yes this is meant to be?" i feel this way all the time. 

you, the creator of my dreams, the catcher of my dreams, to whom i know nothing but dedication. i do not call you master because you are my teacher, but because i feel as though i could entrust my life to you, as though i could never leave this 

for a dream to become reality, one must have surety. is this the right dream? the right goal? the right one to chase with every fiber of my fragile being? master says that the common human problem is that they spend their lives picking the wrong dream and end up unhappy. will i end up unhappy? 

and looking back for the clues you were always the one who everyone looked up to weren't you? and i -- us, we , -- we were just standing at your side, behind you, in more ways than one and for the simple reason of loving you. and what better feeling is there than to be in love with someone like 

and what comes after? what comes after those dreams that have you shaking in your sleep, not from fear but anticipation. the ones you wake up feeling lost after, unsure of what they were but knowing, just knowing they were important. and you had everything you ever needed and nothing, nothing could stop you.

i saw someone yesterday. in the crowd at the market. he was pretty, and when i stood close to him to gather fruit for master i could see his eyelashes, long and nice. he had brown hair a skinny body and his hands looked like the kind of hands you dream about. i think i could have loved him in another life -- but the unattainable thing is there to steal me away this time. 

i dreamt of you on my way here. of your lips on my cheek, my forehead, my own lips, other places too. the unattainable. what am i to you, but a child? a student? im sorry, i didn't mean to dream of you, and i have not much else to say besides to curse dreams, to hate them for the way in which they present those things that can never, ever happen. 

i dreamt of you that night too, once i'd realized what i'd done. i was scared, terrified really. you were unattainable still, and i was just a student. who's to say you really would take me back with no money? i shook in my sleep, i cried. i needed the dream catcher.

remember that the first step to achieving a dream is to be brave enough to take it.

and i thought i would go insane, dreaming of the small touches, the quiet heavy gazes that never led anywhere even if they felt like they would. and i thought, 'here i am laying myself bare, with all i am for someone and they've got me on this length of rope'. i was okay with it though. i could handle the pain that came with falling in love with

and i remember thinking, i remember thinking, 'i didn't get the five pages written, master will be so disappointed' and its curious that i still fought to impress with my lessons even at the thought of their being none. and don't you think that's a kind of dream too? a kind of wishful need to become something you are not -- or perhaps to become something you always were but never had the courage to become.

it's the most difficult thing to say what feels the most right to us, to let the emotions we feel just wash over us without guilt, without the complications that come with others thoughts, others feelings. and yet its the most rewarding to take others into consideration to feel the joy, the satisfaction that comes from knowing that i am a good person. and master agrees now, agrees that i never was bad but i am better and he says that he's better too.

and sometimes, the things you've been waiting for -- and the ones that you hadn't know could exist -- happen too quickly. they come out of nowhere and they seem out of place. if i have spent months to fall in love, or to write something or to create what i need, how could someone else do the same so quickly? and how could it be so easy for them when it was so difficult for me. master says that the slow build up of life is quicker for some, and that they choose to run, rather than walk. 

do you ever feel like you should be someone? like you could be important, love, feared even? and it's weird for you to think of it because you're next to the most important person, the one with the charisma and the knowledge to be someone, and yet ... you want to.

 

the missed opportunities, the missed dreams that you can never remember, the ones that you see in waking life and don’t realize them for what they are, those are the real tragedies of this world. and why? because you don’t understand that they exist, don’t know what you’re missing out on, what missing link should be there but isn’t. and that’s why we as people, try over and over again – whether it be one lifetime or many – for that happiness we can’t quite seem to grasp.

we often miss it in the crowd, or right under our noses, and yet we still dream about it. 

there's something to be said, about being in love. something to be said about it's many weaving emotions and the strength of it. and some people, they hate love. hate how everything and anything is about it, and yet, what would we as human beings do without it? in any form, in any expression and version of love -- friendship, familial, romantic, that kind of platonic love that leaps bounds above everything else -- it's something crucial, something important. i believe that loving your dreams is the only way to truly make them come true. because what is a dream without a reason?

do you ever get lonely even while you're surrounded by people? you don't want to be, and you want to be strong, want to let yourself shine and yet that one person, that one dream is so far away from you and that's all you want, it's all you want and there's no way or you to get to them.

and the best part of a dream, the best part is when you hold it in your hands and it's yours and you know it's yours because your dream has dreamt of you too.

sometimes all the pieces are set up perfectly and in the right place, and something is still wrong. 

 

you catch all of my dreams, the ones the dream catcher sees, and you make them into something, even if i’m unaware of what they are. and every time i look I understand more and more what they mean by the soul and it’s connections, and though i sometimes dream about the boy from the market with his golden hair and sparkling eyes, i know that i have you, master, the most important thing i ever dreamed. 

you know, i really like triangles. something feels right about them in the way that the dream catcher feels right as it twinkles from the balcony. three is a good number, sharp, perfect. i wonder if master has any significance to three, to triangles. i'll ask.

I was told once by a beggar that when you have nothing your dreams also have nothing because it ceases to be attainable but when I asked Master he said that theres always a dream if you look closely enough for it and that sometimes people who have only ever had nothing just don’t know how to imagine a something 

within each part of a dream is a part of another dream i think and perhaps i have too much of an attachment to dreams but im realizing with the way my music plays and its because of a dream i had and a dream i wanted and its real now and thats what a dream really means doesnt it? 

And if dreams are able to come true i believe maybe one day ill fly like i told master i wanted to and maybe one day the glass walls will become real and it wont be just a dream and ill remember all before it and all after 

ive been thinking because todays word was emotion and yet i was stuck and i couldnt write because ive never been one to understand emotion ive never been one to think of the way a feeling weaves itself into thoughts and dreams and conscious actions because iw as so so focused on just letting ythe emotion be an emotion but master says that i will never grow if i dont think and so im thinking about 

and yet im confused because this entire journal doesnt feel like im writing to myself but like im writing to master and what if i write this my entire life and he never is able to read it? Im remembering now that lives end and that one day so will mine and so will masters and yet the thought scares me less with the dreams that fill my mind because i think that life will somehow continue not in an afterlife but in


End file.
